I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
