so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
