Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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