last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
