"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
