um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
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i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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