Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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