dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
