Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
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My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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