it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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