The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
