i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
