the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
