You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
