Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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