My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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