remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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