I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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