We should be called the Road Head Warriors
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
