I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Enjoy the penises
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
