I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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