I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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