Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
