so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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