He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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