Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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