does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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