she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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