I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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