it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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