shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
