I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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