If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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