she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
