So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
