P.S. I can't hear my feet
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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