his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
