She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i think my mom watched the whole time
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
