I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
