My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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