Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
