It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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