I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
There are leaves in my underwear?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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