She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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