the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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