And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
