Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
