You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
