FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
