she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
