she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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