first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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