seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
