I must be too annoying 4 u.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
