I am puke
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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