cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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