This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
