Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
