the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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