Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
