She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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