that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
