"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
