Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
