Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
