At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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