i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
