If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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