Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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