The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
